i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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