how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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