ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
