Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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