I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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