i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
