Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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