I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
