I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
