I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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