if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dick very happy bro
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
