Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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