We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
