Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
