I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
