Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
