If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
