Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
