ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
