just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
