sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
