i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
