I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
