Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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