so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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