just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize