Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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