Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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