marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
