ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
