forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
