he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
