I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
