I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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