its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
