i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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