Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
