dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
