At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
