i used baking grease as lip gloss
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
