Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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