It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
