Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
