i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
did you just send me my own nude
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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