On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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