Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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