he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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