Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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