I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize