if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize