"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
