So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
