so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Bring me that man meat
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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