I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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