I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
