Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
