Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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