Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
