also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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