He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
