I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
