my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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