I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
