The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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