dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize