Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
