I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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