She is in my trunk
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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