I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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