There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
BRING THE BAGELS
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize