im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
