If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
