shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
pop tarts are not kleenex
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
