Small penises have feelings too.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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