in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
