in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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