My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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