How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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