omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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